How well do you think I wrote this?

You have several run-on sentences that make it hard to read. Also, the writing is really random. While I understand you want to include details that give insight into your character's mind, but including everything he/she thinks makes it confusing, because it causes the story to lack focus. Also, you do a lot of "telling" and not enough showing. Also, you have some awkward wording - the first sentence is even weird, because you went from "went" to "bringing" which aren't necessarily different tenses, but in the sentence it is awkward. You need a lot of editing. I had trouble reading it because of all the other errors. There is humor, and it is interesting, but all of the errors overshadow it.